Smeh ni greh
Zadeva: Je bil Jezus Kristus Štajerc?
Kakšne narodnosti ali rase je bil Jezus Kristus?
V Ameriki, v kateri pripadniki mnogih narodov in ras živijo v slogi, ljubezni in miru, se je pričela nedolžna razprava o tem, od kod je bil pravzaprav Jezus Kristus.
Jezus Kristus je bil iz Kalifornije, ker je:
* imel dolge, skuštrane lase
* hodil po svetu bosonog v lahkih sandalih
* ustanovil novo versko sekto
Jezus Kristus je bil Irec, ker je:
* pil alkohol (vino)
* bil brez stalne zaposlitve
* bila njegova zadnja želja v življenju, da mu dajo piti
Jezus Kristus je bil Portoričan, ker:
* so ga prijatelji klicali Jesus
* je prišel navskriž z zakonom
* njegova mati ni bila sigurna, kdo je njegov oče
Jezus Kristus je bil Žid, ker je:
* živel pri starših do svojega 33 leta
* verjel, da je njegova mati devica
* njegova mati verjela, da je on Bog
Jezus Kristus je bil črnec, ker:
* je svoje dni preživljal na ulici med ljudmi
* mu ni nihče dal stalne zaposlitve
* ker je vse nagovarjal z "bratje"
Medtem so na te teze reagirali tudi Hrvatje in slišalo se je lahko naslednje:
Jezus Kristus je bil Dalmatinec, ker:
* je jahal osla in nosil opanke
* je pil vino in jedel ribe
* nikoli ni nič delal, če pa je že kaj naredil, je to bil pravi čudež
Jezus Kristus je bil hrvaški penzionist, ker je:
* živel siromašno in težko
* vsem verjel
* zadnje dni svojega življenja bil izdan, prevaran in zapuščen
Ampak kljub številnim dokazom narodne in rasne pripadnosti Jezusa Kristusa, na smemo pozabiti na pisni dokaz, ki je v sami Bibliji, ki jasno pravi, da je bil lahko le Štajerc. Kristus je namreč spremenil vodo v vino.
Kakšne narodnosti ali rase je bil Jezus Kristus?
V Ameriki, v kateri pripadniki mnogih narodov in ras živijo v slogi, ljubezni in miru, se je pričela nedolžna razprava o tem, od kod je bil pravzaprav Jezus Kristus.
Jezus Kristus je bil iz Kalifornije, ker je:
* imel dolge, skuštrane lase
* hodil po svetu bosonog v lahkih sandalih
* ustanovil novo versko sekto
Jezus Kristus je bil Irec, ker je:
* pil alkohol (vino)
* bil brez stalne zaposlitve
* bila njegova zadnja želja v življenju, da mu dajo piti
Jezus Kristus je bil Portoričan, ker:
* so ga prijatelji klicali Jesus
* je prišel navskriž z zakonom
* njegova mati ni bila sigurna, kdo je njegov oče
Jezus Kristus je bil Žid, ker je:
* živel pri starših do svojega 33 leta
* verjel, da je njegova mati devica
* njegova mati verjela, da je on Bog
Jezus Kristus je bil črnec, ker:
* je svoje dni preživljal na ulici med ljudmi
* mu ni nihče dal stalne zaposlitve
* ker je vse nagovarjal z "bratje"
Medtem so na te teze reagirali tudi Hrvatje in slišalo se je lahko naslednje:
Jezus Kristus je bil Dalmatinec, ker:
* je jahal osla in nosil opanke
* je pil vino in jedel ribe
* nikoli ni nič delal, če pa je že kaj naredil, je to bil pravi čudež
Jezus Kristus je bil hrvaški penzionist, ker je:
* živel siromašno in težko
* vsem verjel
* zadnje dni svojega življenja bil izdan, prevaran in zapuščen
Ampak kljub številnim dokazom narodne in rasne pripadnosti Jezusa Kristusa, na smemo pozabiti na pisni dokaz, ki je v sami Bibliji, ki jasno pravi, da je bil lahko le Štajerc. Kristus je namreč spremenil vodo v vino.
Adly 300S crossroad
Učiteljica vpraša otroke: "Otroci, kdo lahko da luknjo v luknjo?"
Takoj se javi Francka: "Jaz!"
Stakne kazalce in palce na obeh rokah, naredi krog in nastavi okrog ust.
"Bravo.
Kdo pa lahko da tri luknje v luknjo?"
Spet Francka: "Jaz! Krog dam okrog ust in nosa in imam tri luknje!"
V zadnji klopi se dvigne Janezek in pravi:
"Bom jaz nekaj vprašal: Kdo pa lahko da devet lukenj v luknjo?"
Nihče se ne javi, pa pove Janezek: "Francki nabijemo flavto v rit!"
Takoj se javi Francka: "Jaz!"
Stakne kazalce in palce na obeh rokah, naredi krog in nastavi okrog ust.
"Bravo.
Kdo pa lahko da tri luknje v luknjo?"
Spet Francka: "Jaz! Krog dam okrog ust in nosa in imam tri luknje!"
V zadnji klopi se dvigne Janezek in pravi:
"Bom jaz nekaj vprašal: Kdo pa lahko da devet lukenj v luknjo?"
Nihče se ne javi, pa pove Janezek: "Francki nabijemo flavto v rit!"
Pri slovenščini, zadnjo uro v petek pride v razred šolski minister Milan
Zver in vpraša učiteljico, kaj se učijo. Učiteljica pravi, da se učijo
zložene stavke, priredje, podredje itd.
Milan Zver vpraša Janezka: No, Janezek, poglejmo, kaj si se danes naučil.
Povej mi en zložen stavek in to naj bo priredje!"
Janezek odgovori:" Naša mačka je skotila sedem muckov in vsi so
simpatizerji Janeza Janše !"
Milan Zver popeni, v tem trenutku pa zvoni konec pouka. V ponedeljek je
spet prvo uro slovenščina in učiteljica nahruli Janezka:" Kakšno sramoto si
naredil meni, ravnatelju, šoli, neverjetno, le kako si si lahko izmislil
stavek, naša mačka je skotila sedem muckov in vsi so simpatizerji Janeza
Janše ??!?"
Pa pravi Janezek:" Gospa učiteljica, samo trije mucki so še Janševi
simpatizerji!"
Učiteljica ponori:" Janezek, a ti mene zajebavaš? Zadnjič sedem muckov,
danes trije mucki Janševi simpatizerji, kaj se to pravi?"
Janezek:" Gospa učiteljica, ostali so včeraj spregledali!"
Zver in vpraša učiteljico, kaj se učijo. Učiteljica pravi, da se učijo
zložene stavke, priredje, podredje itd.
Milan Zver vpraša Janezka: No, Janezek, poglejmo, kaj si se danes naučil.
Povej mi en zložen stavek in to naj bo priredje!"
Janezek odgovori:" Naša mačka je skotila sedem muckov in vsi so
simpatizerji Janeza Janše !"
Milan Zver popeni, v tem trenutku pa zvoni konec pouka. V ponedeljek je
spet prvo uro slovenščina in učiteljica nahruli Janezka:" Kakšno sramoto si
naredil meni, ravnatelju, šoli, neverjetno, le kako si si lahko izmislil
stavek, naša mačka je skotila sedem muckov in vsi so simpatizerji Janeza
Janše ??!?"
Pa pravi Janezek:" Gospa učiteljica, samo trije mucki so še Janševi
simpatizerji!"
Učiteljica ponori:" Janezek, a ti mene zajebavaš? Zadnjič sedem muckov,
danes trije mucki Janševi simpatizerji, kaj se to pravi?"
Janezek:" Gospa učiteljica, ostali so včeraj spregledali!"
Žid se je preselil v strogo katoliško sosesko. Vsak petek so katoliki skoraj ponoreli.
Medtem, ko so oni jedli ribe, si je Žid na vrtu pekel zrezke.
Katoliki so se zato sestali in sklenili, da bodo Žida spreobrnili.
Po dolgih mukah jim je končno uspelo in odpeljali so ga k duhovniku. Ta ga
je poškropil z blagoslovljeno vodo in dejal:
"Rojen Žid, vzgojen v Žida, sedaj katolik."
Katoliki so si oddahnili. Nič več omamnih, a prepovedanih dišav vsak petek popoldne!
Toda naslednji petek se je po vsej soseski spet razširil vonj po pečenih zrezkih.
Vsi katoliki so zdivjali k Židovi hisi, da ga opomnejo o njegovem novem postu.
Našli so ga, ko je stal ob sočnem zrezku z nožem v eni in s kozarcem vode v drugi roki.
Z vodo je poškropil meso in rekel:
"Rojeno krava, vzgojeno v kravo, sedaj riba!"
Medtem, ko so oni jedli ribe, si je Žid na vrtu pekel zrezke.
Katoliki so se zato sestali in sklenili, da bodo Žida spreobrnili.
Po dolgih mukah jim je končno uspelo in odpeljali so ga k duhovniku. Ta ga
je poškropil z blagoslovljeno vodo in dejal:
"Rojen Žid, vzgojen v Žida, sedaj katolik."
Katoliki so si oddahnili. Nič več omamnih, a prepovedanih dišav vsak petek popoldne!
Toda naslednji petek se je po vsej soseski spet razširil vonj po pečenih zrezkih.
Vsi katoliki so zdivjali k Židovi hisi, da ga opomnejo o njegovem novem postu.
Našli so ga, ko je stal ob sočnem zrezku z nožem v eni in s kozarcem vode v drugi roki.
Z vodo je poškropil meso in rekel:
"Rojeno krava, vzgojeno v kravo, sedaj riba!"
Zeni ljubavnik dolazi kuci dok joj je suprug na poslu. Njen devetogodisnji sin dodje kuci nenadano, ugleda ih i sakrije se u garderobni ormar kako bi ih i dalje promatrao. Zenin suprug takodje dolazi kuci. Ona strpa ljubavnika u ormar, ne znajuci da joj je sin vec unutra.
Djecak: - Mracno je ovdje.
Muskarac: - Da, mracno je.
Djecak: - Imam nogometnu loptu.
Muskarac: - To je lijepo.
Djecak: - Zelis li je kupiti?
Muskarac: - Ne, hvala.
Djecak: - Moj tata je vani.
Muskarac: - OK, koliko?
Djecak: - 250 EUR
Nakon nekoliko sedmica muskarac i djecak se ponovo susretnu u ormaru.
Djecak: - Mracno je ovdje.
Muskarac: - Da, mracno je.
Djecak: - Imam patike za nogomet.
Prisjecajuci se sto se zadnji put dogodilo, muskarac upita: -Koliko?
Djecak: - 750 EUR
Muskarac uzdahne: - U redu.
Par dana kasnije, otac kaze sinu: Uzmi loptu i patike idemo se igrati.
Djecak odgovori: -Ne mogu, prodao sam loptu i patike.
Otac upita: - Za koliko si ih prodao?
Djecak: - Za 1.000 EUR
Otac: - To je grozno, kako si mogao tako opeljesiti svoje prijatelje... to je puno vise nego sto te dvije stvari stvarno vrijede! Sad te vodim u crkvu da se ispovijedis!!!
Otac odvede sina u crkvu i u ispovjedaonicu pa zatvori vrata.
Djecak: - Mracno je ovdje.
Pop: - Ne pocinji mi opet s tim sranjem.
Djecak: - Mracno je ovdje.
Muskarac: - Da, mracno je.
Djecak: - Imam nogometnu loptu.
Muskarac: - To je lijepo.
Djecak: - Zelis li je kupiti?
Muskarac: - Ne, hvala.
Djecak: - Moj tata je vani.
Muskarac: - OK, koliko?
Djecak: - 250 EUR
Nakon nekoliko sedmica muskarac i djecak se ponovo susretnu u ormaru.
Djecak: - Mracno je ovdje.
Muskarac: - Da, mracno je.
Djecak: - Imam patike za nogomet.
Prisjecajuci se sto se zadnji put dogodilo, muskarac upita: -Koliko?
Djecak: - 750 EUR
Muskarac uzdahne: - U redu.
Par dana kasnije, otac kaze sinu: Uzmi loptu i patike idemo se igrati.
Djecak odgovori: -Ne mogu, prodao sam loptu i patike.
Otac upita: - Za koliko si ih prodao?
Djecak: - Za 1.000 EUR
Otac: - To je grozno, kako si mogao tako opeljesiti svoje prijatelje... to je puno vise nego sto te dvije stvari stvarno vrijede! Sad te vodim u crkvu da se ispovijedis!!!
Otac odvede sina u crkvu i u ispovjedaonicu pa zatvori vrata.
Djecak: - Mracno je ovdje.
Pop: - Ne pocinji mi opet s tim sranjem.
Adly 300S crossroad
Še malo o BLONDINKAH...
GEOGRAPHY?
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking... and one blonde says to the other: "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon? "The other blonde turns and says Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "And, how often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at t he car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the firston the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, hoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HELLOOOOOO," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
GEOGRAPHY?
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking... and one blonde says to the other: "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon? "The other blonde turns and says Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "And, how often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at t he car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the firston the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, hoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HELLOOOOOO," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
Adly 300S crossroad
-
Max Rockatansky
- Obiskovalec
- Reactions:
- Prispevkov: 70
- Pridružen: 16 Mar 2006, 12:58
- Kraj: ORTO Bar
- Kontakt:
Pride Mujo k Hasotu na obisk.
Najde Hasota kako ima nabit nos v kurino rit.
"Ma sta ti to radis Haso?"
"Drogiram se!"
"Kako se to ti drogiras, Haso?"
"Pa vidis valjda, da snifam koku!
Policaj pride v blok, kjer so se stepli.
Začne zasliševati udeleženca:
"Kako se pišeš?"
"Sadik Hodžić"
"Kaj si po poklicu?"
"Pa nisam jas poklicu, sused je poklicu!"
Se dva Gorenjca pogovarjata in prvi potoži drugemu, da je prejšnji dan naredil križ čez familijo, vse skupaj prebutal in ven vrgel. Drugi vpraša, kaj je bilo tacga. "Pridem domov in najdem v sobi soseda na ženi ...." "Aha in potem si znorel?" reče drugi. "Ma, kje pa. Kaj pa reva more drugega, cele dneve me ni, ker delam in ko se vrnem sem zjeban in padem in spim. Saj si mora reva nekje dati duška." "Kaj pa je bilo potem?" "Grem v sobo od hčere in jo najdem z dvema - eden zgoraj, drugi spodaj." "Aha, to je bilo ...," modruje drugi. "Ne, ne. Saj mora punca eksperimentirat, saj je mlada, bo potem bolj umirjena. Grem v sobo od mulca in si ravno šprico v žilo rine, roka pa čist plava." "In potem si imel dosti?" "Kje pa. Sem si mislil, da je to ziher nekaj modernega v tem hipu in da tako mora biti." "Ja, kaj pa je bilo potem?" še zanima drugega. "Pridem v dnevno sobo in zagledam klimo na maksimumu, ok'n na strežaj odprt, pa nikogar noter ."
Najde Hasota kako ima nabit nos v kurino rit.
"Ma sta ti to radis Haso?"
"Drogiram se!"
"Kako se to ti drogiras, Haso?"
"Pa vidis valjda, da snifam koku!
Policaj pride v blok, kjer so se stepli.
Začne zasliševati udeleženca:
"Kako se pišeš?"
"Sadik Hodžić"
"Kaj si po poklicu?"
"Pa nisam jas poklicu, sused je poklicu!"
Se dva Gorenjca pogovarjata in prvi potoži drugemu, da je prejšnji dan naredil križ čez familijo, vse skupaj prebutal in ven vrgel. Drugi vpraša, kaj je bilo tacga. "Pridem domov in najdem v sobi soseda na ženi ...." "Aha in potem si znorel?" reče drugi. "Ma, kje pa. Kaj pa reva more drugega, cele dneve me ni, ker delam in ko se vrnem sem zjeban in padem in spim. Saj si mora reva nekje dati duška." "Kaj pa je bilo potem?" "Grem v sobo od hčere in jo najdem z dvema - eden zgoraj, drugi spodaj." "Aha, to je bilo ...," modruje drugi. "Ne, ne. Saj mora punca eksperimentirat, saj je mlada, bo potem bolj umirjena. Grem v sobo od mulca in si ravno šprico v žilo rine, roka pa čist plava." "In potem si imel dosti?" "Kje pa. Sem si mislil, da je to ziher nekaj modernega v tem hipu in da tako mora biti." "Ja, kaj pa je bilo potem?" še zanima drugega. "Pridem v dnevno sobo in zagledam klimo na maksimumu, ok'n na strežaj odprt, pa nikogar noter ."
Adly 300S crossroad
Zašto se masturbacija više ceni od sexa?
Zato što je to ručni rad!
Pita Perica Maricu:
- "Bi li dala MARKU za EURO?"
Kaze Marica:
- "Bih."
Perica:
- "Marku bi, a meni ne bi je li?!?"
Nadje baba velikog Ivicu u kradji voca, u njenom vocnjaku. Opsuje mu sve zive i mrtve. Ivica joj uzvrati:
- "Umukni babo jer cu da te pojebem!", i dade se u bijeg.
Na to ce baba:
- "Ne samo da si lopov, vec i lazov!"
Bio jedan par vjenčan preko 20 godina. Svake noći kada su vodili ljubav muž je insistirao na gašenju svjetala. Poslije 20 godina žena je to više smatrala smiješnim i odlučila je da nekako izbije iz njega tu ludu naviku. Jedne noći, dok su bili u sred "akcije", vrištanja i romantičnih riječi, ona je upalila svijetla. I kada je pogledala dolje imala je što da vidi: njen muž je radio sa vibratorom koji je bio mnogo tvrđi, veći i aktivniji od njegovog "alata". Naravno,ženu je to grdno iznenadilo i počela je da viče:
- "Ti, impotentna budalo, kako si mogao da me tako lažeš sve ove godine? Bolje bi ti bilo da to objasniš!"
Muž je pogleda pravo u oči i reče smireno:
- "Ja tebi mogu objasniti vibrator... ali, možeš li ti meni objasniti djecu?"
Ulazi muz u kucu i hvali se:
- "Zeno, pogledaj kupio sam olimpiske kurtone: zlatan, srebren i ronzan!"
Zena:
- "I, koji cemo veceras da probamo?"
- "Normalno, zlatan."
- "molim te, uzmi srebreni da i ti jedan put svrsis drugi."
- Sto je oralni sex?
- Oralni sex je kad cijeli dan ores njivu, a traktor te jebe!!!
Oženili se momak i djevojka oboje bez iskustva u seksu. Prvu bračnu noć legli goli u krevet, ali eto jada, "Stojko" stoji mladoženji do pupka i kako god da ga pokuša "ugurati" on sklizne i lupa po pupku i tako cijelu noć. Previse podignut. Ustali se ujutro neraspoloženi i mrzovoljni, vidjevši ih stari djedo upita što je posriijedi, a unuk mu odgovori da nije ništa i da se ne miješa. I tako iz jutra do jutra cijelu sedmicu kada se ipak unuk požalio djedu što je uzrok jadu i čemeru. Navečer prije spavanja donese djeda unuku drvene rašlje da sa njima gurne "Stojka" prema dolje. Drugo jutro ustali mladenci iz kreveta pomalo umorni od seksa ali sretni i zadovoljni i odmah krenuli da zahvale djedu i vrate mu rašlje. Na što će djeda mudro:
- "Sačuvajte vi djeco, te rašlje trebat će vam kada dođete u moje godine, ali sa kontra strane."
Htio tata da malo pomazi mamu. Posto je Perica bio u sobi kaze mu tata:
- "Perice,idi na balkon i razgledaj okolinu, ako nesto interesantno vidis ti nama vici mi te cujemo, ali nemoj da ulazis unutra."
Perica ode na balkon, a Tata odmah na mamu.
- "Tata, evo upravo odslepase Simin auto!"
- "Super Perice, sta jos ima vani?"
- "Komsije preko puta se jebu!"
- "Sram te bilo,kako to pricas, otkud ti to znas?"
- "Pa, njihov sin isto stoji na balkonu."
- "Joj, susjeda draga, sto je to sa vama? Jeste li jako bolesni?"
- "Ja? Bolesna? Zdrava sam k'o drijen! A sto me to pitate?"
- "Pa, čujte, vidim da vam već tri dana za redom svako jutro dolazi liječnik..."
- "Oprostite, molim, kad je vama svako jutro dolazio onaj pukovnik, meni nije bilo ni na kraj pameti da pomislim kako je mozda počeo rat."
Zato što je to ručni rad!
Pita Perica Maricu:
- "Bi li dala MARKU za EURO?"
Kaze Marica:
- "Bih."
Perica:
- "Marku bi, a meni ne bi je li?!?"
Nadje baba velikog Ivicu u kradji voca, u njenom vocnjaku. Opsuje mu sve zive i mrtve. Ivica joj uzvrati:
- "Umukni babo jer cu da te pojebem!", i dade se u bijeg.
Na to ce baba:
- "Ne samo da si lopov, vec i lazov!"
Bio jedan par vjenčan preko 20 godina. Svake noći kada su vodili ljubav muž je insistirao na gašenju svjetala. Poslije 20 godina žena je to više smatrala smiješnim i odlučila je da nekako izbije iz njega tu ludu naviku. Jedne noći, dok su bili u sred "akcije", vrištanja i romantičnih riječi, ona je upalila svijetla. I kada je pogledala dolje imala je što da vidi: njen muž je radio sa vibratorom koji je bio mnogo tvrđi, veći i aktivniji od njegovog "alata". Naravno,ženu je to grdno iznenadilo i počela je da viče:
- "Ti, impotentna budalo, kako si mogao da me tako lažeš sve ove godine? Bolje bi ti bilo da to objasniš!"
Muž je pogleda pravo u oči i reče smireno:
- "Ja tebi mogu objasniti vibrator... ali, možeš li ti meni objasniti djecu?"
Ulazi muz u kucu i hvali se:
- "Zeno, pogledaj kupio sam olimpiske kurtone: zlatan, srebren i ronzan!"
Zena:
- "I, koji cemo veceras da probamo?"
- "Normalno, zlatan."
- "molim te, uzmi srebreni da i ti jedan put svrsis drugi."
- Sto je oralni sex?
- Oralni sex je kad cijeli dan ores njivu, a traktor te jebe!!!
Oženili se momak i djevojka oboje bez iskustva u seksu. Prvu bračnu noć legli goli u krevet, ali eto jada, "Stojko" stoji mladoženji do pupka i kako god da ga pokuša "ugurati" on sklizne i lupa po pupku i tako cijelu noć. Previse podignut. Ustali se ujutro neraspoloženi i mrzovoljni, vidjevši ih stari djedo upita što je posriijedi, a unuk mu odgovori da nije ništa i da se ne miješa. I tako iz jutra do jutra cijelu sedmicu kada se ipak unuk požalio djedu što je uzrok jadu i čemeru. Navečer prije spavanja donese djeda unuku drvene rašlje da sa njima gurne "Stojka" prema dolje. Drugo jutro ustali mladenci iz kreveta pomalo umorni od seksa ali sretni i zadovoljni i odmah krenuli da zahvale djedu i vrate mu rašlje. Na što će djeda mudro:
- "Sačuvajte vi djeco, te rašlje trebat će vam kada dođete u moje godine, ali sa kontra strane."
Htio tata da malo pomazi mamu. Posto je Perica bio u sobi kaze mu tata:
- "Perice,idi na balkon i razgledaj okolinu, ako nesto interesantno vidis ti nama vici mi te cujemo, ali nemoj da ulazis unutra."
Perica ode na balkon, a Tata odmah na mamu.
- "Tata, evo upravo odslepase Simin auto!"
- "Super Perice, sta jos ima vani?"
- "Komsije preko puta se jebu!"
- "Sram te bilo,kako to pricas, otkud ti to znas?"
- "Pa, njihov sin isto stoji na balkonu."
- "Joj, susjeda draga, sto je to sa vama? Jeste li jako bolesni?"
- "Ja? Bolesna? Zdrava sam k'o drijen! A sto me to pitate?"
- "Pa, čujte, vidim da vam već tri dana za redom svako jutro dolazi liječnik..."
- "Oprostite, molim, kad je vama svako jutro dolazio onaj pukovnik, meni nije bilo ni na kraj pameti da pomislim kako je mozda počeo rat."
Adly 300S crossroad
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Max Rockatansky
- Obiskovalec
- Reactions:
- Prispevkov: 70
- Pridružen: 16 Mar 2006, 12:58
- Kraj: ORTO Bar
- Kontakt:
Bolje kamen v hrbet, kot 100 jurjev pufa.
Bolje je spoznati prijateljevo ženo, kot prijatelja od žene.
Bolje noseča pri 14, kot devica pri 41.
Bolje v troje v postelji, kot sam v krsti.
Bolje hladna plavolaska, kot topli brat.
Bolje enkrat s Sneguljčico, kot sedemkrat s palčki.
Bolje s kolesom v kurbarijo, kot z mercedesom na delo.
Bolje imeti kratkega na kratko noter, kot dolgega dolgo zunaj.
Bolje imeti debelo tajnico, kot ozkega šefa.
Bolje druga pomlad, kot tretji zobje.
Bolje trebuh od hrane, kot grba od dela.
Bolje zdrava pokvarjenost, kot pokvarjeno zdravje.
Bolje kamen v žepu, kot pesek v očeh.
Bolje vino v želodcu, kot voda v kolenu.
Bolje močno lepa, kot lepo močna.
Bolje imeti dobrega ljubimca, kot ljubkega moža.
Bolje je spoznati prijateljevo ženo, kot prijatelja od žene.
Bolje noseča pri 14, kot devica pri 41.
Bolje v troje v postelji, kot sam v krsti.
Bolje hladna plavolaska, kot topli brat.
Bolje enkrat s Sneguljčico, kot sedemkrat s palčki.
Bolje s kolesom v kurbarijo, kot z mercedesom na delo.
Bolje imeti kratkega na kratko noter, kot dolgega dolgo zunaj.
Bolje imeti debelo tajnico, kot ozkega šefa.
Bolje druga pomlad, kot tretji zobje.
Bolje trebuh od hrane, kot grba od dela.
Bolje zdrava pokvarjenost, kot pokvarjeno zdravje.
Bolje kamen v žepu, kot pesek v očeh.
Bolje vino v želodcu, kot voda v kolenu.
Bolje močno lepa, kot lepo močna.
Bolje imeti dobrega ljubimca, kot ljubkega moža.
MadMax - predstavnik za škandal
Minister za pretiravanje
Minister za pretiravanje
Why Motorcycles are better than women
• Your motorcycle doesn't get upset when you forget it's birthday.
• You don't have to talk to your motorcycle after you ride it.
• You can choke your motorcycle.
• Your motorcycle doesn't get mad when you ignore it for a month or so.
• Motorcycles don't get jealous if you come home with grease under your fingernails.
• Motorcycles don't snore.
• Your motorcycle won't wake you up at 3:00 AM and ask you if you love it.
• Your motorcycle won't leave you for another rider.
• You don't have to pay child support / alimony to an ex-motorcycle.
• If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you don't have to apologize before you can ride it again.
• If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
• If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.
• If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.
• If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
• If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.
• If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
• If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.
• It's always OK to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.
• Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.
• Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden.
• Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have.
• Motorcycles don't care if you are late.
• Motorcycles don't get pregnant.
• Motorcycles don't have parents.
• Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider.
• Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.
• Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
• Motorcycles last longer.
• Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.
• Motorcycles' curves never sag.
• New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don't want to pay for them, you don't get them.
• When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
• You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.
• You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.
• You can ride a Motorcycle any time of the month.
• You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.
• You can't get diseases from a Motorcycle you don't know very well.
• You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle.
• You don't have to convince your Motorcycle that you're a motorcyclist and that you think that • Motorcycles are equals.
• You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Motorcycle.
• You don't have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.
• You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old one is worn.
• Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles.
• Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump it.
• Your Motorcycle doesn't car what you're wearing when you take it out.
• Wearing two fresh rubbers makes riding a bike MORE enjoyable.
• The rashes you get from motorcycles go away without those painful IM Penicillin shots.
• One gets in no trouble for storing disassembled pieces of the motorcycle in the basement.
• Disassembling the motorcycle is done out of pleasure rather than need.
• Motorcycles always sound pleasant.
• Unlike women FAT motorcycles aren't cheap dates.
• Your motorcycle doesn't get upset when you forget it's birthday.
• You don't have to talk to your motorcycle after you ride it.
• You can choke your motorcycle.
• Your motorcycle doesn't get mad when you ignore it for a month or so.
• Motorcycles don't get jealous if you come home with grease under your fingernails.
• Motorcycles don't snore.
• Your motorcycle won't wake you up at 3:00 AM and ask you if you love it.
• Your motorcycle won't leave you for another rider.
• You don't have to pay child support / alimony to an ex-motorcycle.
• If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you don't have to apologize before you can ride it again.
• If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
• If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.
• If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.
• If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
• If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.
• If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
• If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.
• It's always OK to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.
• Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.
• Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden.
• Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have.
• Motorcycles don't care if you are late.
• Motorcycles don't get pregnant.
• Motorcycles don't have parents.
• Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider.
• Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.
• Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
• Motorcycles last longer.
• Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.
• Motorcycles' curves never sag.
• New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don't want to pay for them, you don't get them.
• When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
• You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.
• You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.
• You can ride a Motorcycle any time of the month.
• You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.
• You can't get diseases from a Motorcycle you don't know very well.
• You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle.
• You don't have to convince your Motorcycle that you're a motorcyclist and that you think that • Motorcycles are equals.
• You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Motorcycle.
• You don't have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.
• You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old one is worn.
• Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles.
• Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump it.
• Your Motorcycle doesn't car what you're wearing when you take it out.
• Wearing two fresh rubbers makes riding a bike MORE enjoyable.
• The rashes you get from motorcycles go away without those painful IM Penicillin shots.
• One gets in no trouble for storing disassembled pieces of the motorcycle in the basement.
• Disassembling the motorcycle is done out of pleasure rather than need.
• Motorcycles always sound pleasant.
• Unlike women FAT motorcycles aren't cheap dates.
Adly 300S crossroad
-
Nataša
- Obiskovalec
- Reactions:
- Prispevkov: 432
- Pridružen: 21 Jan 2006, 14:47
- Kraj: Šentlovrenc
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Naslednjič ko gremo na kako turo ima da me takole vsi ubogate he he he 
Ko se vam link odpre premikajte miško!
http://www.1-click.jp/
Ko se vam link odpre premikajte miško!
http://www.1-click.jp/
-
Nataša
- Obiskovalec
- Reactions:
- Prispevkov: 432
- Pridružen: 21 Jan 2006, 14:47
- Kraj: Šentlovrenc
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Pa še nekaj za naše fante he he he
Možakar pripoveduje, kako je bilo pri zdavniku, ko mu je pregledoval
zlato žilo:
nagnil sem se naprej, on je stopil za mano in je desno roko položil na
moje rame, z levo pa .....
ne ne, levo roko mi je položil na rame, z desno pa ......
tišina...
Mater mu .. obe roki je imel na mojih ramenih ....
Možakar pripoveduje, kako je bilo pri zdavniku, ko mu je pregledoval
zlato žilo:
nagnil sem se naprej, on je stopil za mano in je desno roko položil na
moje rame, z levo pa .....
ne ne, levo roko mi je položil na rame, z desno pa ......
tišina...
Mater mu .. obe roki je imel na mojih ramenih ....
Oziroma dodaš oznake [img]spredaj%20in[/img] zadaj:
Koda: Izberi vse
[img]http://avto.over.net/slike/3/1757-predboksi.JPG[/img]WWW.COLN.SI
Kaj nej pa jest napišem? ....
Moped ni. Žival ni.
Ima štiri kolesa in gas na palec - se pravi, da je to to!
Kaj nej pa jest napišem? ....
Moped ni. Žival ni.
Ima štiri kolesa in gas na palec - se pravi, da je to to!
Bravo, Gibbs... se hitro učiš